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My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.