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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Find someone you`re good at.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.