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someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”