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I put the pro in inappropriate.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.