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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.