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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.