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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
Gravity is a real downer.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2