Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."