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I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.