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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!