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If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"