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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
This century is already 15% over.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )