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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.