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The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
The first sign of laziness:
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.