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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.