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I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
I only have one word for women who look at me like Iām some kind of sex object ... Hi.