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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out