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Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I have Beer.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.