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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.