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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.