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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.