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Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.