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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.