Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow