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Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.