Daily Silly Status

Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?

I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.

Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.

I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.

I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.

I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.

If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.

Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill

I just ran a .003048K

Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.

I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels

If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?

You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.

You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.