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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.