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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .