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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.