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My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.