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Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke