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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.