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Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.