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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.