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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
and alcohol are now friends.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..