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Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you