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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....