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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps