Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is available for rebound sex.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.