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I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.