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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?