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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Valentines day
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!