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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.