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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.