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If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Do angry people know about naps?
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.