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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?