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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
This patience thing takes forever.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.