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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
Iām going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.