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I put the o in illiterate!
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
I`m having an out of money experience.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.