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My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Do bees even have knees?
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.