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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.