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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.