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I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.