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Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...