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I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
If you ever disappeared while hiking, Iād remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.